my universe and my doppleganger
by TCBN
Summary: Stan Kyle and Kenny find themselves in an alternative universe and discover their doppelgangers: transvestite (Kyle), cannibal (Stan), perv (Kenny) who are all on the run from a murderous man wishing to marry them. . Warning: Style, Gender bending, swearing, Kenny jokes, cannibalism, gore, kissing, drinking . Thanks to KKPT Zazaban for making this possible! Inspired by RP thread
1. Prologue

Oh god. It happened. It fucking happened. We woke up on this train and saw ourselves. They were staring back at us like we were the retarded ones. How can the universe be so cruel? Why did he do this to us? Well. Here's our story.

What happened was the three of us were drinking Jameson in this cellar; we were intoxicated or probably high- no we were drunk. We see this creepy dude emerge from behind the crates. Cape with hand prints on it or some weird outlines of shapes. He pointed at us, telling us that somehow the master wished to marry us, and we smashed it. We fucking passed out in a complete stranger's cellar, and we just got proposed to, we're at risk of… never mind! The important part is that we're in another universe, and one of the doppelganger's a chick. Great. Now we have a murdering pedophile on our tail and a female version of one of our friends. And it gets a whole lot worse.

.


	2. Innapropriate? it depends on who you are

**I had to change this into script form as the dialogue will get confusing if i leave it to normal story writing style.  
(cellar) means the kid from the former universe, (duplicate) is the cellar kid's doppleganger  
**

The boys that appeared in front of their representative doppelgängers scrambled backwards in surprise. Kyle's representative went by the name of Kylie. Stating how she was a girl… apparently a transvestite. Something between the Stan from the cellar and the transvestite spelt romantic, disgusting, trouble. That's when the most confusion discussion erupts after they both lock a kiss. No one bothers to try ask why they're two of each other. Everyone just frantically tugs and rips and yanks on both the transvestite and Stan (from the cellar) away from each other.

Kenny (from the cellar): hey! Cut it out! This isn't ….supposed.. what…. What what am I seeing?

Kenny (duplicate): I… I think Kyle's… g.. gay?

Kyle (cellar): Dude! I am NOT GAY!

Kenny (duplicate): well, why do I see your doppleganger practically sucking off Stan's face!?

Kenny (Cellar): uh dude? Is Stan ga—

Stan (duplicate): NO! I am not! He isn't me! I'm with Wendy! Wendy! That means I'm straight!

Kyle (duplicate): we're in love! Let us be!

Kyle (cellar): are you a… Stan, you're my bestfriend! I am a dude! that girl you're snogging is a DUDE!

Stan (duplicate): Kyle…

Kyle (duplicate): Kylie.

Stan (duplicate): you're a dude. and you're kissing a dude, and you're telling me you're straight?

Kenny (duplicate): well , in his current state, yes

They kept arguing for some time, when a man, all too familiar, stepped on the train. This man was the one that supposedly caused the kids from the cellar to space out and land up here. Along the way, one of their friends had become messed in the head. Messed up to such an extent, Sanity wasn't an option.

Kyle (duplicate): shit- it's the anti-dude... kill him!

Kyle (original): you have a gun!

Kyle (duplicate): o right...

Kyle takes out the gun from her jacket and aims... Stan from the cellar jumped infront of his lover as if to protect her

Kyle (duplicate): babe, i have to shoo-

Stan (duplicate): Why are you acting so GAY!

Kenny (duplicate): what's wrong with being gay, Stan?

Stan (duplicate): A lot of things! the fact i am with Wendy, Kyle is actually a dude

Kenny (original): That's TWO!

Stan (duplicate): goddamnit- Jesus christ! Kylie! stop doing that!

Kylie blind fires as Stan attempts to protect her, causing everyone to drop down screaming


	3. A feast

They run out onto the platfom, Stan latched onto Kylie, everyone struggles to keep a distance from the opposing man.

Man: I have changed you! I have forced you into my world of hell! And you will all marry me! For I am the Anti-Jesus!

Kenny (Cellar): Oh I get it—

Kenny (Duplicate): You got to shoot him, Kylie! SHOOT!

Kylie: I will! Stan! Get away from—but stay with me!

Everyone stares at Kylie.

Kenny (Cellar): dude. I think this universe is switched. Kyle's a chick, Stan's a gay in denial… what are you, Kenny?

Kenny (duplicate): I don't bone everything in sight

Kenny (Cellar): I don't bone everyth—

Kenny (duplicate): well… I guessed. Anyway why is your Stan the gay in denial?

Anti-Jesus: I switched them up. For a little fun

Kyle : SHOOT HIM ALREADY!

Kylie: Okay okay okay!

Kylie fires at the Anti-Jesus considerable amounts of times

Kenny (Cellar): and I assume that Jesus has his own…. opposite version?

Kenny (duplicate): It looks like it

Stan (duplicate): dudes, what do we do, now? I mean, I don't want my doppelgänger to be seen by anyone, really

Kyle: we're not anywhere near South Park

They look around the subway, helpless, Stan from the cellar dives onto the anti jesus, and rips a considerable junk of his leg off.

Kyle: DUDE! He's dead! Stop tha—Stan?

Kenny (Cellar): dude, we've lost him

Clawing Anti-Jesus like a savage boar, Stan practically emaciates, disembowels and crams jagged mouthfuls of raw human flesh into his mouth like a hungry cannibal.

Kylie: EEeeeeewwwww!

Stan (cellar): It's delicious! You should try some! Tastes like ribs!

Kyle: dude, that is his ribs

Stan freezes, holding a lengthy piece of bone. Takes a look at the flesh hanging off at it, and divulges it once again.

Kenny (duplicate): Stan- you could die from eating raw meat, actually get in trouble for cannibalism!

Kenny (Cellar): for some reason, I don't care right now, let's just try and get home!

Stan (duplicate): Stan. You're an embarrassment to my personality!

Stan (cellar): I can't help it! It's so beautiful!

Kylie: me or the meat?

Stan (cellar): both!

The cannibal and the transvestite attempt to snog one, when everyone, yet again, rip them apart

Stan (dupluicate): You gotta cut that out! It's disgusting!

Kyle: yeah! Stan, I'm a dude! You're my FRIEND!

Kenny (cellar): aw jeez, guys! The train, we have to get on, we should go

The subway chimes, meaning the train was leaving

Intercom: Denver. We are leaving Denver. To Florida. Florida. Leaving

… … …

.


	4. Getting off the train

once the train skidded to a stop at Florida, everyone took in the stereotypical beauty of Florida. It's blue sky, sunny day, golden beaches, little cafes. the boys each stormed off in different directions. Kenny and his duplicate walked in one direction and Stan and Kyle with their own duplicates went off in the opposite directions.


	5. Her Intervention

.

**Her intervention**

Kyle and Kylie went into a café and sat on a small table. Kylie was certain she knew Kyle was planning to bomb her with some horrible fact. She had a horrible fact of her own. She hoped that would make Kylie's feelings for Stan not as bad.

"We need to talk. I KNOW you like Stan—since you became a transvestite"

"Duh, we kissed in front of you! And I'm not-"

"which brings me to this: you should… keep to yourself more"

It was clear Kyle had given up on trying to tell Kylie how seemingly wrong it was that some trannie was locking Stan every five seconds.

"Dude… I don't like Stan the way you do, so, how…. How can you like him? Like THAT!?"

" Because, imagine if Stan was a girl his whole life, born a girl. And you two are the best of friends, wouldn't you guys feel something for each other. Even a little bit"

" I-I don't know how to answer that"

"Ugh, Kyle… I'm not a transvestite"

"Y-You're not?"

Kyle looked significantly relieved. Maybe the universe wasn't as fucked over as he had perceived it.

"No. Cartman put gender bender pills in my water"

"…that doesn't make you snogging Stan any better by a LONG shot, Kylie!"

"no—Kyle—I.. the reason I like him is because of… Kyle' you're straight, right?"

"YES I AM!"

"So am I, Kyle"

"Bull SHIT!"

"No—if we were girls. We would be straight! What has happened is that I have girl's hormones"

"so… your behaving from a female perspective"

"yes. Kyle. We're both straight. I'm just the female straight chick"

"oh… i.. I understand"

"hey Kylie?"

"mmhmm?"

"what the fuck's with Stan?"


	6. His Intervention

.

The two Stan doppelgängers sat in another cafeteria in another part of Florida. Discussing a situation that troubled Stan equally as terribly as Kyle.

Cellar Stan: dude, you've been having some feelings lately…

Duplicate Stan: What the fuck are you talking about?

Cellar Stan: Don't be a douche about this, Stan.

Duplicate Stan: You need to cool it.

Cellar Stan: …Cool what?

Duplicate Stan: uh, you know…

Cellar Stan: I love her!

Duplicate: That's... You know she's really a guy, right?

Cellar: No! She's a chick now!

Duplicate: Okay, dude. You can't be in love with Kyle. That's fucked up.

Cellar: But- but- I am! She's cute, and sweet and- and- she's perfect! I want her!

Duplicate: What the- ffuck? She's a guy! She's your best friend! Why- ffuck dude! Do you have any idea how this makes me feel? ME!

Cellar: I DON'T CARE HOW YOU FEEL! Okay!?

Duplicate: I see where you're getting at. Alright? I get it. But can you just cool it, and keep your feelings inside while you around people?

Cellar: Ok. And I get where you are getting at. I get it. And I'll cool it. If he tries to, like, put his arm around me, I will move to a different seat. If he tries to kiss me, I'll push him away, and if you're there, I'll sit next to you. Is that good?

Duplicate: Dude. Okay, how do you think people are going to feel about this. In school? How the ffuck do you think people are going to react when Kyle is suddenly your girlfriend?

Cellar: Uh...

Duplicate: yeah...

Cellar: *Tears up* Bu- but-

Duplicate: It's okay, dude. You have to.

Cellar: I know. I understand what has to happen. *Crying*

*they manage to pinch alcohol from the back fridge without anyone noticing or catching them*

Cellar: hey, I was thinkin' of this song "Someone I Used To Know"

Duplicate: I'm thinking of that song right now...

Cellar: What, dude?

Duplicate: "Now and then I think of when we were together. Like when you said you felt so happy you could die"

Cellar: Oh, that... *Drinks*

Duplicate: " But felt so lonely in your company… But that was love and it's an ache I still remember"

Cellar: "But you didn't have to cut me off"

*they continue drinking, till near intoxication and completely pissed*


	7. I can hope but not see the future

The Kenny's had questions of their own and remarks and considerations that would be difficult to answer. As they are… the same person.

Duplicate Kenny: dude, those two are fucked UP!

Cellar: yeah…

Duplicate: why… why is Stan like that!?

Cellar: I don't even know, dude

Duplicate: because, I… Kyle's actually a dude, and he was drugged by Cartman turned into a chick

Cellar: Then why…

Duplicate: He's straight, as if he was born a girl

Cellar: oh… so it's the hormones?

Duplicate: yea…

Cellar: I don't even know what's up with Stan…

Duplicate: Neither

Cellar: uhh... Kenny?

Duplicate: yea?

Cellar: will you ever find someone?

Duplicate: w-what!? why are you asking me, now!? WHAT!?

Cellar: will you ever find someone you like, like?

Duplicate: i don't know, i came from the same time period as you, not the future!

Cellar: but- i mean do you think you will?

Duplocate: I have, before… we?

Cellar: no- not short lived. i mean like Wendy and Stan

Duplicate: we will one day, dude. we will

Cellar: ok... and Kenny?

Duplicate: yea?

Cellar: why are they short lived?

Duplicate: ask Stan how his is long, and why are you ASKING me this stuff!? why now!?

Cellar: ...Kenny?

Duplicate: WHAT!?

Cellar: you're a perv

Duplicate: ...what? we-ell… no shit.

Cellar: maybe you shouldn't be so gross

Duplicate: well jee! thanks! NOW I know what's wrong with ya! …me

Cellar: you will, won't you? I mean it could be why it's so short lived?

Duplicate: dude, I don't know why they leave, either...

Cellar: dude, you asked yourself advice. that's ffucked… we.. advised eachother?

Duplicate: ...different memories. you're from another universe. We should head back


	8. It's Okay-er I mean Over

,

Everyone meets each other at the train station, they all seem to be deep in thought, annoyed, happy and angry at the same time. The two Stans are drunken, and are singing in tandem.

Stan(s) "Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over.. But had me believing it was always something that I'd done… But I don't wanna live that way"

Duplicate Kenny: dude…. Are.. did they?  
Cellar Kenny: they're drunk. Should've seen that coming…

Duplicate Kenny: Somebody I Used to Know..

Cellar Kenny: …huh? Wait WHAT!?

Duplicate Kenny: Somebody—

Cellar Kenny: No! I mean WHAT? They got PISSED!?

Cellar Stan: We got break-up pissed!

Kyle: Singular. You got pissed. There's no "We" you got broke up pissed. He just got pissed

Kylie: wait… wait you're…

Cellar Kenny: Kylie! Stan's breaking u—

*Duplicate Kenny rams his heel into his duplicate's foot, hard*

Cellar Kenny: OOOWWwww!

*Kylie freezes, she looks away and sniffs*

Kyle: Oh shit. Look what you've do—

*Kylie walks off, sits on a bench, hiccupping and sniffing considerably loud amounts of tears*

Kyle: Stans, a guy should comfort her… and it shouldn't be me or YOU! ("You" = Cellar Stan)

Cellar Stan: oh please—let me!

Kyle: No way, dude

Duplicate Kenny: let me…?

Cellar Stan: he-HEY! No—

Kyle: preferably!


	9. Kylie's Mindset

Kylie: I.. I don't want to talk about it

Kenny: we should, I don't want us to return home with unsolved issues between us

Kylie: ugh… It's just…. Hhmm..

Kenny: we—

Kyle: Let me handle the situation, since…. He… is me

*Kenny moves away, out of earshot, joining the other Kenny*

Kyle: What's wrong?

Kylie: A lot of things! I like Stan, but he doesn't seem to anymore. I guess he just had a little crush...

Kyle: I'm pretty sure he kept saying he was in love with you.

Kylie: …hm

Kyle: besides… eh, you should ask Mephesto to switch you. Seriously, You're not Kylie, You're Kyle

Kylie: …I.. ugh..I guess so… lets join the others

They stand up and walk towards the others, and notice Stan (cellar) is talking to someone. The two Kennys are missing.


	10. What DID Jesus Do?

,

Someone appears to have gotten off a nearby train. Calling himself, Vladimir Nobakov, he asks if anyone has seen a friend of his, everyone denies. Suddenly (Cellar) Stan asks him, a complete stranger.

"Hey, Nabokov, have you ever had girl trouble?"

"Yes, I have, little boy"

The boys listening look confused. They are unsure why Stan has initiated a conversation in a manner or why even Nobakov was responding to him.

"What do you think I should do?"

"I would not interfere with your own decision. But be warned of the dangers of your libido, my child"

"How did this happen? I never used to be such a horny weirdo!"

"That's because Anti-Jesus infected you back there"

Something appeared to have clicked. Stan wasn't himself at all. He was infected.

"That's why you're a lusty cannibal"

"Oh… uhh.. wait... How do you know all this, Vladimir Nabokov"

"That's because… I am the real Jesus"

Jesus removes his disguise, to everyone's momentary relief and joy which was cut short

"The Anti-Jesus is inside of you, infecting you. We have to get you help before you degenerate"

An unpleasant smell of fresh poo emits from the sky, inappropriately smelling like Christmas dinner. Only the boys knew poo that came on Christmas. Specifically Christmas poo.

"Guys! We found… Mr Hankey! We're on the train!"

The boys turn to see two Kennys and Mr Hankey on a poo train. Despite the fact the train was made of poo, Jesus wasn't hesitant to ride.

"Get on the train. We need to get back to town first. We need to make everything as close to normal as possible, to avoid as much damage as we can. Anomalies will disappear when we kill ANti-Jesus- like this place, and multiple selves"

They board the train… a race. For time.


	11. Racing Time

**Racing for Time**

Jesus: Not quite yet, Kids. Anti-Jesus could still come out and rip him apart from the inside. And there's two of him. That's worse.

Kyle: …..two?

Duplicate Stan: Don't restrain me!

Cellar Stan: Eat! Eat! Eat!

Kyle: What do we do so the Stans don't die?

_The train begins to move at an illogical high speed_

Jesus: Keep them calm, and whatever you do, don't indulge him!

Duplicate Stan: Run, Stan!

Cellar Stan: I need to eat! *Bites Stan's arm!*

Duplicate Stan: AHH!

Duplicate Kenny: Shit-

_Duplicate Kenny restrains Duplicate Stan onto a seat, to prevent Cellar Stan from disemboweling them_

Kylie: Oh my GOD!

Kenny Duplicate: -GET OFF!

Kyle: Kyle don't talk to Stan! Or look at him!

Kylie: Alright….

Kyle: Don't do that! You'll agitate him!

Duplicate Stan: Get off of me! Both of you! Kyle! Do something!

_Cellar Stan is foaming at the mouth_

Duplicate Kenny: Stan, Control yourself!

_Buckles him in, standing guard_

Jesus: Let's go!

Duplicate Stan: Kenny! I'm your f-f- friend!

Cellar Kenny: and friends protect their friends

Duplicate Kenny: You're not moving anywhere near that guy!

Jesus: We need to extract it. Then everything will collapse back into its normal state ... there's only ever been one of each of you, my Children. Anti-Jesus has been manipulating the universe. We need to get to the hospital.

Duplicate Stan: What? Hey- let me go!

Cellar Stan: I NEED FLESH!

Duplicate Kenny: ….flesh? or…Kylie?

_Kyles give him the stink eye_

Duplicate Kenny: Trying to make light of the situation

_Train jerks to a stop outside the Royal Floridian Hospital_

Kylie: shoot the mad one!

Kyle: ...kay!

Duplicate Stan: Hay! That's me!

Everyone: NO HE ISN'T!

Jesus: Don't look!

_Jesus drags Duplicate Stan off the train ,into the hospital_

Cellar Kenny: KYLE! NOW! Shoot NOW!

Kyle raises his gun and fires, Instantly killing the writhing body on the floor, clawing and wriggling and eventually still.

Kylie: ….wow


	12. Time again

Duplicate Kenny, Jesus and Cellar Stan are in the operating room. The two Kyles and Cellar Kyle are outside, ear to the door. In the surgery room, Stan is roughly strapped to the table and a fluster of straps, metal and the loud ticking of a clock nearby makes everything seem very on edge, especially the loud clanking of the clock second's hand. Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick.

"Kenny, we need pliers and a sharp object"

"Ahh! What are you—are you going to cut me OPEN!?"

Kenny fishes around for a sharp object and finds a long-ish knife that he was sure represented a steak knife. Pliers soon identified, he gave these to Jesus.

"No—NO!"

Jesus stuffs a sock to stifle his cries which only make the tension in the room worse. Angling the steak-knife shaped blade, Jesus made a deep, quick incision to his chest. Holding open the incision with pliers.

"Jesus doing surgary, that's a new one" Kenny muttered to himself

"Okay... We're looking for a small, white thing. Careful. It'll jump out at you- then hit it with the… that knife before it gets you—THERE! I think I see it in there, moving!" Jesus instructed, holding open Stan's chest cavity.

Kenny looked around, not entirely sure where he should be looking, steak knife up, as if ready to stab something bigger than himself.

"Where!?"

"Under his heart! ... We have to coax it out- try singing to him"

"No way!"

"YES!"

"fine"

Kenny exhales, annoyed, struggling to remember the lines.

"You didn't have to cut me off"

"There.. it's moving... when it jumps out, be ready!"

Jesus joins him, a duet.

"Now and then I think of when we were together"

"Like when you said you felt so happy you could die"

Suddenly the gross, slimy thing hurls itself out of Stan's chest, onto the table.

"NOW!"

Kenny starts swiping, cutting and stabbing at the opposing white thing on the table, singing at the same time, struggling to stick to one verse and remain lethal to the white thing on the table. Overkill.

"I told myself that you were right for me But felt so lonely in your company But that was love and it's an ache I still remember…Die you piece of shit"

the slimy thing now deemed dead by Jesus, incision shut, Stan not screaming incoherently through a sock, the clock not ticking as boisterously loud as earlier, tension from the room seems to have settled. Those outside of the door enter.

Kyle: Dude, if one of the Stans are dead, then how are we both going to have a Stan?

Kylie: which universe is ours? which is real? why are we like this!

Kyle: I wonder how we're going to get another Stan?

Kylie: Go to a bunch of universes and steal one?

Everyone: NO!

Jesus: There only is one world. You were split by anti-jesus. Once it's dead, you should start merging back together.

Cellar Kenny: How do we get home!

Jesus:This universe is all. An illusion.

OK: where would they be? Who is the real us?

Jesus: The question is, Where are YOU?

Cellar Kenny: ….Passed out in the cellar

Duplicate Kenny: then who… are we?

Jesus: a duplicate universe, set with memories of your own. You will merge together and this world will cease… to exist.. somehow

Cellar Kenny: so... we merge?

Jesus: It should happen naturally. Everything will revert in the next few hours. See- you're blurring together even now

The room starts to dissolve a little, outlines of Kyle's living room appear, a TV appears infront of them momentarily, then suddenly they switch back to the hospital

Jesus: Anytime now, boys!

Kyle: well… I guess this is goodbye

Stan: … owwww…. Yeah… bye… ow…owww…

Cellar Kenny: wait… the cellar?

Jesus: I rewrote that. You're five hours earlier into your timeline, this time, you're wiser. And won't go into that cellar. Since that Anti-Jesus is dead, it won't happen. The transition to here, this place.

Duplicate Kenny: good bye, you guys.

Jesus: Good bye, boys!

The hospital melts away, Kyle's living room regenerates. The boys, no duplicates, are sitting on the couch, all wide eyed, from all the memories and from what just happened.


	13. Epilogue: the end

... ... Suddenly we were in Kyle's living room. All the memories intact, seared into our brains, graphic, unpleasant, scary shit. Yet we were five hours earlier from where we left. Five hours later we were in the cellar, but that didn't happen. Not this time.

Simultaneously wiser, younger and… a bit more cautious


End file.
